Dear Mamma (Root Of All Pain)

Wassup World
this right here started off as a EM
write off wit TY ( http://livelyricism.blogspot.com/ )
but as i started writing i got in to it
this is as real as it gets rite here
This is goin on Th Composition Notebook

I named my first project released that
cause all my life as far as i can remember
i would write in Composition Notebooks
u kno da one wit da black nd white on da outside
i got so many of dem packed up in storage
lost
nd at home its crazy
filled wit everything i've been thru

so witout further prolonging dis
here





No question 2 y i feel so alone
only questions is y it hurts me soul
im askin da question 2 u like u would kno
my life's been a black
writing 2 escape da sorrows
wit no support 4rm my mamma
who'd rather me b a scientist or a doctor
in her eyes i wasnt even wanted
how would u feel growin up knowing dis
havin dis feeling
my name is a JR
but my dad is Timothy
Ricky who my mamma wanted it 2 b
Wit me was prob resentment
4rm her own decissions so she tried 2 control how i'm living
manipulative
abussive
3rd grade arms nd body covered in bruises
but she said she loved me
so its all confusing
8th grade Ricky wanted a DNA test
we sat in yo room nd u cried on my chest
sayin u aint mean 4 IT 2 happen
u aint wanna hurt him
u aint mean 2 fuck Tim
IT was a accident
she wished she could ghange IT
IT being me
so da light blinded me but not i cant see
jus 2 pull out all da fake round me
da pain
despair
da sorrow
really no attention 4rm my mamma
since 3rd grade been able 2 take care of me nd my brothers
while she was wit Eistine
Dekarlos i would babysit
4th grade samething
but dis time wit a Tomlin
but not once u hear me complainin
figured somebody deserved happiness
nd wat did i look like takin it 4rm u miss
now u prob feel wrong
4 wat u done
but i only talked about a couple subjects
im not done yet
wish da beat was longer
so dis verbal beatin could prolonger
recongnitions all i longed 4
told me i was da man of da house
so who were dese men comin in yo house
thought i was da perfect son
so y do JeDon get a betta childhood
did i not deserve it
cause u didnt wat IT
IT being me again
wrote dis i started cryin
cause my mind u got inside of
now i cant look at u without wantin 2 cry
since 2nd grade had suicide thoughts man
i kno u prob thinking 2 yourself God damn
cause i held it in along wit more shit
i said i wanted 2 b cool wit Tim
nd u said fuck dat bitch
damn is dat really how u feel
cause u once said u should've stayed wit him
wen u were a kid
u playin wit my emotions
neva thought i would make a Dear Mamma
so its Dear Djuana
nd this jus the tip of da problem
would u listen or read dis
2 ask dat question y bother
secretly wanted other people kids
til u admitted it
damn u hurt yo own kid
physically
emotionally
mentally
i would say spirtually
but I've been losing my faith since 13
nd u wonder y i cant stay down wit one female
cause u warped my mind wit thoughts of every female
cause my life u was tryin 2 impress
nd do 4 da wrong reasons
no racial
but da white man nd woman bragged nd showed off 2 dem
but wit yo friend u doggin out yo kids
its dat real
let another man beat me
how could u
got mad wen i called another lady mamma
or wen i tried 2 get close 2 my grandmother
u havent even tried 2 do shit 4 yo grandson
so dont expect him 2 welcome u wit his arms open
im not writing dis 4 u 2 aplogize
I'm jus giving u da secrets behind my tears
my thought nd mean mugs nd attitudes
cause i finally realized u were lyin
wen u said
I love u 2


i dead ass cried while writing nd typing dis


Cool?
Joe Cool